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True Blue Bill (or, "Truthful Bill") (lyrics only)

Author and copyright unknown. | Performed by Johnnie Autrey for the album, "Early Roanoke Country," by Virginia Traditions.

I live up in the mountains,
Up where the snakes have legs;
The hoot owls speak in English,
And the roosters lay square eggs.

I shaved my beard and mustache
The mornin' I was born
That night I fought with my old man
And I drank his riot corn.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I've never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

One time when I was shipwrecked
On islands in the sea,
I was captured by the Cannibals
And they tied me to a tree.

And they danced and beat their tom toms
Till they got rather rough,
But they said I wouldn't make good steak,
Because I looked too tough.

Oh the father of our country
Would never tell a lie,
And he was my great uncle,
So I ask you, why should I?

I used to be a flyer
And in my aero-plane
I flew across to Paris
And started home again.

When I got halfway over
The doggone motor balked.
I let the blame thing sit up there
And I got out and walked.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

I've swam the wide Pacific
and walked upon the Moon,
I've waded forty feet of snow
the 31st of June.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

I went three rounds with Dempsey,
I'm as proud as I can be.
I went on a Ferris wheel
and he went 'round with me.

I died and went to heaven,
way above the clouds.
But came back down to earth again,
They played the harps too loud.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

Alternate Version, submitted by Colonel Tuel, USAF (Retired)

I was born up in the mountains,
Where the rattlesnakes have legs,
The hoot owls speak plain English,
And the roosters lay square eggs.

I shaved my beard and mustache,
The morning I was born,
That night I shook my old man up,
And drank his rye and corn.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I've never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

I used to be a sailor,
I've sailed the seven seas,
By cannibals I was captured,
And tied up to the trees,

They danced and beat their tom-toms,
And they got rather rough,
But said I would not make good steak,
Because I was too tough.

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I've never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.

I used to be a flyer,
And in my aeroplane,
I flew across to Paris,
And started back again.

When I was half way over,
The doggone motor balked,
I left that thing a-settin' up there,
And I got out and walked.

The father of our country,
Would never tell a lie,
And he was my great uncle,
So I ask you, why should I?

And one more verse...

When I woke up this morning
I looked up on the wall
The cooties and the bedbugs
were playing a game of ball

The score was six to nothing
The cooties were ahead
The bedbugs hit a home run
And knocked me out of bed

I am a truthful fellow
My name is True Blue Bill
I never told a falsehood
And I bet I never will.