What Famous Philosophers and Others
Might Have Said If Asked...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Whether the chicken crossed the road, or the road crossed the chicken, depends upon your frame of reference.
Learn About Einstein!
To actualize its potential.
Learn About Aristotle!
For the greater good.
Learn About Plato!
It was an historical inevitability.
Learn About Marx!
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Learn About Machiavelli!
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Learn About Hippocrates!
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Learn About Jung!
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Learn About Sartre!
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Learn About Wittgenstein!
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Learn About Darwin!
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Learn About Emerson!
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Learn About Heisenberg!
What road? Was there a chicken?
Learn About Pyrrho!
You tell me.
Learn About the Sphinx!
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Learn About Twain!
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Learn About Cosell!
And here are a few more, just for fun!
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road!
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. And that chicken would have had to walk barefoot five miles in the snow just to get to that road too! They just don't make them like that anymore!
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway"?
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
What? I missed one?